Not sure how to start of a blog...I thought the best idea is to start it off with some history. I'll fill in the gaps over time. I am not sure what I am expecting to get out of this blog but I enjoy reading blogs and it seems therapeutic and cathartic. I thought I would give it a go. I am not sure whether I will ever give the link to anyone I know. I enjoy the idea of anonymity right now. I am not ready to worry about judgement.
My husband Kenny and I have been having problems for a long time. We have been married for 10 years and I would have to say that we were doomed from the beginning. Or maybe doomed is too strong a word....we definitely had our work cut out for us.
We fell in love/lust in Waterloo which is where Kenny is from. Waterloo is about 6 hours away from where we live now, in Ottawa. I had recently broken up from a long relationship and moved out of the house I owned with my ex and Kenny was living on his own...working kind of and having fun being single and hanging with the guys.
I fell in love with his honesty, his sense of humour and lets face it...he is a good looking guy. I also loved the fact that he wanted to spend all his time with me.....where my ex never had time for me. Everything moved really fast for Kenny and I. We met in May and he moved in with me and my roomate in September, we were engaged in January, bought a townhouse in May and moved 6 hours away to be closer to my family in July and got married in December. A year and a half whirlwind. You would have thought that would have been enough changes but no..we got pregnant in February...had my daughter in December and then got pregnant 4 months later and had my son the next December. So between December 2000-December 2003 we were married and had two babies.
In that time Kenny also had 3 jobs and our marriage started unravelling. So many factors are involved in the slow deterioration of our marriage. the most significant being....he hates Ottawa and because of that has not made any friends, we had two children within 12 months AND he has had a hard time keeping jobs which has led to financial difficulties and stress, and finally I suffer from Anxiety Disorder which had been under control when I met him but started getting worse after the kids but when our financial problems hit an all time low it just blew up out of control.
Now through all this we have managed to have two beautiful children that are now 7 and 8 years old. Danya is 8 years old and a dancer, a soccer player and my sweet, sweet girl. Kyler is 7 years old and is an athlete extraordinaire! He plays soccer, hockey and lacrosse and mat add football this summer. Kyler also has Apraxia of Speech which was a stressor and worry for many years. It is still a worry but does not require as much time, energy and money as it used to.
I went through a very bad time during 2007-2009. It was the time when money worries were overwhelming and my anxiety and depression just took over. It was debilitating for a time and I had to take a year off work. With medication and therapy I have made it back to work and am slowly rebuilding my life and my confidence. During this time Kenny was not there for me. Not out of meanness but he just wasn't able to be. One of the reasons you are supposed to get to know someone before you marry them.....yes I am that fucking stupid...is that you don't know all their demons. Kenny came from an abusive childhood and had not dealt with this and still hasn't. He cannot be there to support anyone he loves because he really doesn't know how to take care of himself.
Sooooo.....I am going to end this here..write more next time. Moral of this post....don't marry someone cause they're hot.
